The Top 5: Worst Film Titles

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

Surely, Surely at some point someone would have plucked up the courage to say ” erm, scuse me…errr…ab…about the title…do you think. erm, maybe it’s, maybe it’s erm…not quite right. Maybe?”

No obviously not. A cake load of money was spent on a sequel to an enjoyable teen-slasher. It was thought out and produced with care and attention just like any other film (almost). And then some idiot came up with the bright idea to give it a name that makes less sense than anything. Ever.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer

I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

You know when I just said that last title made “less sense than anything. Ever.”… Well, I take that back…

I can only assume that this was a case of, “Well, we ballsed up the last one, we may as well just completely take the piss this time.”

You know that feeling you get when something is so strange and so mind-boggling that you can’t even begin to comprehend how or why it materialised? All you can do is shake your head and pull a face like someone’s just walked in your kitchen, poo’d on your floor and then kicked it in your face? Yeah, that feeling was made for this film title.

Thir13en Ghosts

Thir13en GhostsThis film title just simply goes one step too far.

Trying to modernise a classic horror does not mean reaching out to the cool kids by replacing some of the letters with numbers.

And it’s not even close. Okay, a 3 looks a bit like a backwards e – how very hip. But since when was the number 1 a good substitute for a t? Obviously it doesn’t help that the films absolutely awful to boot.

The Happening

Now you may think this lazy title is just latest of many like it. The Thing right? Or It even? No. These films justified their simple titles and in fact, with these two films in particular, their titles only increased the fear factor and alienation for the monsters which are identified by them. They were called ‘The Thing’ and ‘It’, because that’s what their victims knew them as – horrific nightmares so far away from humanity as they knew it, there isn’t even a name in our humble vocabulary to offer them.

But The Happening? Just lazy. The fact that no one seemed to know what was happening (including the Director) is just a laughable irony. This sorry excuse for a title could be chucked at any film with a slightly surreal or science-fictiony theme and it would make a little bit of sense. It doesn’t make it right though. And while I’m at it, The Knowing can be bundled into this submission as well. Shameful. What’s next? Just sounds maybe? How about a film called wuh, or blaaaah. May as well.

The Thing

No, it’s not what you think. I’m not going soft in the head and arguing with myself. The original film’s title is fine. No qualms with that one. But the 2011 release? Well they’ve just gone and named it exactly the same as the first one haven’t they.The Thing (2011)

As if the American’s don’t get confused enough. Don’t go and make it harder for them. If it was a remake of John Carpenter’s classic it would be fine. Quite fitting actually. But it’s not. It’s a prequel.

So. Thanks to these idiots (whoever they are), this is the conversation which will always be had by many a film enthusiast until the end of time:

“Have you seen The Thing?”

“Which one?”

“The one in the snow where the dog turns all tentacley”

“No, I know that. I mean which one?”

“Oh, sorry. I meant the first one.”

“You mean the one which came first, or the one which starts first?”

“Oh sorry. I mean…wait”

Fuck’s sake.

Are there any worse than these? Let me know if there are any titles which make you angry too…


About thenumbereightytwo

I am an avid film enthusiast with a passion for creative writing. My favourite things in life are writing about; film, popular culture and current affairs; watching films and looking at penguins. One day I hope to be getting paid more than I deserve for doing all of these professionally (not the penguin part - that will still be a hobby). View all posts by thenumbereightytwo

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