Category Archives: Films to See After You Die

Review: Sanctum

NSanctumot even support from James Cameron as executive producer could save underwater adventure Sanctum from getting that sinking feeling.

The film follows a team of cave divers who are intent on exploring an unknown abyss, only to be trapped by a storm above ground, which forces them to dive deep into the darkness for an escape route.

From start to finish the two-dimensional characters spurt clunky dialogue while wading through the dreary action. The further they progress the less engaging their plight becomes, partly due to a weak script and the lacklustre performances.

21/82

Originally posted at MouthLondon.

 

 

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Chernobyl Diaries

Chernobyl DiariesQuite possibly the worst ‘horror film’ I have seen in years. Chernobyl Diaries starts out with a little promise – namely, the interesting setting and the talent behind the lens – but it quickly descends into a ridiculous, unengaging, thoroughly scare-free mess.

With half an hour to go, I was just willing and hoping for the surviving characters to either get eaten or be exposed to an increased level of radiation, just so the credits could roll.

A good idea has been wasted. With a better script and more inspired Direction, Chernobyl Diaries could have been an original horror to rival the Paranormal’s and Blair Witch’s, but instead, it has consigned itself to the growing pile of forgettable cheap scares released in the last few years.

22/82


Review: Komodo vs. Cobra

Komodo vs. CobraIt’s like Hydra, but worse. Is this possible I hear you ask. Yes, apparently it is. Here is a film which can be epitomised by words such as bland, dreary, dull – pointless even.

 Komodo vs. Cobra is full of hilariously bad acting, which isn’t helped by what is probably the worst script and direction I’ve ever seen.

Particularly absurd features of Komodo vs. Cobra include taking the never-ending ammo cliché to ridiculous new heights, and a bemusing use of profanity blocking. Akin to a radio broadcast pop song,  all swear words in the film are bleeped over with animal sounds – supposedly due to the fact the film is a PG13. Why they didn’t just decide to not include expletives in the dialogue is beyond me.

If I’m honest, I’m actually becoming quite addicted to these modern schlock productions. Okay, the plots are all the same and there is no quality in any department, but it sure is easy to watch a bunch of awful actors talking shit while trying to avoid giant monsters.

23/82