It’s like Hydra, but worse. Is this possible I hear you ask. Yes, apparently it is. Here is a film which can be epitomised by words such as bland, dreary, dull – pointless even.
Komodo vs. Cobra is full of hilariously bad acting, which isn’t helped by what is probably the worst script and direction I’ve ever seen.
Particularly absurd features of Komodo vs. Cobra include taking the never-ending ammo cliché to ridiculous new heights, and a bemusing use of profanity blocking. Akin to a radio broadcast pop song, all swear words in the film are bleeped over with animal sounds – supposedly due to the fact the film is a PG13. Why they didn’t just decide to not include expletives in the dialogue is beyond me.
If I’m honest, I’m actually becoming quite addicted to these modern schlock productions. Okay, the plots are all the same and there is no quality in any department, but it sure is easy to watch a bunch of awful actors talking shit while trying to avoid giant monsters.
Hydra is the second of many ‘for TV’ films I plan to slowly burn my eyeballs out of my head with. Why? Because the sub-genre it belongs to – low-budget, bland monster story drivel (usually set on a fictional island) which contains about an hour and a half of laughable acting and shamefully rendered special effects – is surprisingly entertaining. For all the wrong reasons of course.
Hydra does us the favour of finally quenching our incredible thirst for a three-headed snake monster. The snake monster is on an island, as are some silly human beings. Most of them get eaten by one or all of the previously mentioned snake heads. That is as much as I can remember as I watched it all of three days ago. Which, consequently, is fine by me.
Michael Shamus Wiles, (pictured) who you will most likely recognise as the creepy bartender in Fight Club and ASAC George Merkert in Breaking Bad, seems to have misplaced any talent he once possessed with his character – the brilliantly named, Captain Sweet. He is by far the best thing about this film (again, for all of the wrong reasons). I’m not sure whether his painfully slow movements and turtle-mouthed dialogue are strokes of genius, or, just awful, awful acting. You decide…
It’s actually the darkest hour and a half.
Just one step up from Shyamalan’s The Happening – only because you can see something every once in a while – this Russian-set alien invasion thriller sees Emile Hirsch and Co. running away from unidentified electricity.