Quite possibly the worst ‘horror film’ I have seen in years. Chernobyl Diaries starts out with a little promise – namely, the interesting setting and the talent behind the lens – but it quickly descends into a ridiculous, unengaging, thoroughly scare-free mess.
With half an hour to go, I was just willing and hoping for the surviving characters to either get eaten or be exposed to an increased level of radiation, just so the credits could roll.
A good idea has been wasted. With a better script and more inspired Direction, Chernobyl Diaries could have been an original horror to rival the Paranormal’s and Blair Witch’s, but instead, it has consigned itself to the growing pile of forgettable cheap scares released in the last few years.
It’s like Hydra, but worse. Is this possible I hear you ask. Yes, apparently it is. Here is a film which can be epitomised by words such as bland, dreary, dull – pointless even.
Komodo vs. Cobra is full of hilariously bad acting, which isn’t helped by what is probably the worst script and direction I’ve ever seen.
Particularly absurd features of Komodo vs. Cobra include taking the never-ending ammo cliché to ridiculous new heights, and a bemusing use of profanity blocking. Akin to a radio broadcast pop song, all swear words in the film are bleeped over with animal sounds – supposedly due to the fact the film is a PG13. Why they didn’t just decide to not include expletives in the dialogue is beyond me.
If I’m honest, I’m actually becoming quite addicted to these modern schlock productions. Okay, the plots are all the same and there is no quality in any department, but it sure is easy to watch a bunch of awful actors talking shit while trying to avoid giant monsters.
When the Lights Went Out is yet another haunted house horror film, this time set in mid-1970’s Yorkshire. Apparently based on true events, the plot revolves around the ghostly activities which supposedly occurred in the home of Joe and Jean Pritchard in the town of Pontefract.
This is Director Pat Holden’s third feature length outing, and he has a personal emotional investment in the material this time around – Jean Pritchard is his Aunt. This has not stopped him from including material which is one hundred percent fabricated though. Reports of cold rooms, moving objects, and, most severely, physical apparitions of a hooded figure have been amalgamated into predictable scenes of demonic ghost eyes in keyholes and dead corpses under duvets.
Within the sequences where special effects are at a minimum, some genuinely nervous tension is created. A thoroughly authentic beige and brown ‘70’s Yorkshire creates the perfect setting and mostly convincing performances are only let down by a few moments of poor dialogue and unbelievable characterisation.
Swerves away from realism into generic horror clichés are forgiven until the finale, where poor quality special effects are opted for over subtlety and originality in a bid to create a ‘powerful’ ending.
Final Verdict (by guest reviewer Bunty Hoven):
Good start, got boring, got better, went shit.